The First Step is Always the Hardest (So Here’s My Whole Story)

I’ve sat staring at this blank Word document not knowing what to even write about for my first blog post, but I have decided to do what I do best and have one of my little ‘yaps while the baby naps’ (well, hopefully he is down for the night now but I won’t hold my breath).

So, I think what I’ll do is tell you why I started this blog, what you can expect from the website as a whole and just a little catch up in general.

Grab a cuppa & let’s get into it…

Rediscovering Norfolk & Nerdy Habits

I have recently fallen deeply in love with my home county.

I've begun exploring it with fresh eyes and discovering things that had been right under my nose the whole time. I feel like when you live somewhere for so long, you stop appreciating it, but now I feel like a tourist in my own city. Norwich really is beautiful (well, a lot of it) and exploring it in this new way with this new mindset has been incredibly exciting and even a little therapeutic.

I love nothing more than heading out with my camera, finding a new coffee spot to try, having a lil sweet treat and browsing for quirky trinkets.

Weekends are no longer spent chained to a desk or stuck indoors with a feeling of impending doom, now I am road tripping to various events, markets, fests and fairs, vlogging away as I go, meeting the makers and getting the best on the ground coverage and behind the scenes shots. My hobbies have also expanded with me trying out new ones and rediscovering a love for past interests. Some, going as far back as childhood. Reaching this point has been far from easy with many obstacles along the path and "hobby life" and life as a content creator was very different, let me explain...

Am I a matcha girlie now?

Hobbies are meant to be fun, right?

I started creating content back in 2018. I made an Instagram account to document my journey into Warhammer (a tabletop game involving painted models, dice, rule books, it’s all incredibly nerdy) branching into sharing all of my hobbies as a whole with the launch of The Hobby Diaries on YouTube. What started out as a creative outlet quickly snowballed into full-time content creation, commission painting, live streaming and even 3D model printing. It was a full-on business but one I never shut off from, staying up till the early hours on my phone. It was the first thought when I woke and the last thing at night.

For years I had felt guilty if I strayed from my desk. If I wasn't painting miniatures constantly, getting the perfect photos for ‘the gram’, working on the many commissions I took on or planning that evening's live stream, I felt like I had failed.

I felt like I’d fall behind somehow. I felt panicked if I am honest, not able to enjoy the rare days out we did have. I spent so much money trying to “keep up” with the trends, making sure to have the latest release, the majority of which never ended up built, never mind painted. It was obsessive, it was passionate, it was my life.

Diceni - The Annual Tabletop Games Event

There were many good moments don't get me wrong, I have made friends for life through our shared interest, been invited to incredible events to speak on panels, worked with some amazing companies and I became a well renowned and positive force within the hobby community. And a woman in what is a bit of a "boys club" it was a big deal.

I fell in love with the game, playing Warhammer competitively and in the beginning enjoyed many wonderful hours of painting little plastic models. Something that brought me so much peace, calm and joy, finally having a creative outlet for my arty side.

But as time went on my success became a burden, bringing burnout, toxic community members, bullying and harassment.

I took a couple of breaks over the years for these reasons and others but I always forced myself to pick back up where I left off, seemingly unable to let go of what I had spent time building even if I didn't feel ready. Maybe it was something to throw myself into to distract me from what was happening offline at the time.

It was falling pregnant last year that finally made me stop.

This one's a long one, buckle in (TW baby loss/mental health/PND)

Falling pregnant forced me to slow down, but the transition into postpartum brought its own challenges, including a battle with Postnatal Depression/Anxiety, medical trauma and feeding issues.

In the beginning I tried to carry on, tried to force it, told myself I could work through the pregnancy and I’d find time around the baby, I had built a lot of momentum with my channel and was back in that old cycle of guilt and "must do more" I told myself I'd just hobby and create videos while the baby slept (ha, good one). I even attended and covered SALUTE, Europe's largest independent war gaming convention. This is before anyone knew I was pregnant but boy did I feel SICK, I knew then that my days were numbered.

To be honest my mind and heart were just not in it either. After our previous pregnancy sadly ending in a missed miscarriage the last thing I could focus on was painting little bits of plastic, setting up a camera or standing at a gaming table for hours playing what is a very complex tabletop war game. I was too preoccupied with worrying about, well, EVERYTHING.

My anxiety levels were at an all-time high and my energy an all-time low. I’d forgotten just how hard pregnancy fatigue hits, I was barely able to get off of the sofa most days. I was terrified the whole time, trying to stop myself getting “too attached” as if that would protect me if the worst was to happen again… trying to be happy, grateful and enjoy every moment in case I somehow jinxed things, trying not to be TOO positive, too happy...in case I jinxed things. And then came all of the "complications".

The growth scans where he was measuring bigger than they’d liked, having too much fluid, baby remaining sideways in the breech/transverse position with no signs of moving resulting in a 2-week hospital stay just sitting waiting for something to happen, a lonely, miserable and frustrating 2 weeks in the lead up to him making his grand entrance through the sunroof… considering my original plan was an unmedicated home birth, you can imagine how disappointed I was being forced to the very opposite end of the spectrum. It still breaks my heart that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy like you’re “supposed to”, like I imagined myself doing so, before the previous loss...

As someone who suffers with medical anxiety (as well as other flavours) This was the most frightening thing I have ever been through. But our baby arrived safely and all was well with him which we are incredibly grateful for, and despite me losing a lot of blood on the table I survived to tell the tale but recovery from C-section was ROUGH. And things were about to get rougher.

Things went a LITTLE downhill from here.

Anxiety was my main feeling that overrode everything else. The word anxiety almost sounds too weak to describe it, frankly, it was terror. We had made it through the pregnancy safely, we made it through the birth intact but now, new worries set in to replace the old. It was all a blur of feeling terrified, obsessive, compulsive, delirious from absolutely zero sleep (I don’t mean your usual lack of sleep with a newborn, I mean maybe 1 to 2 hours within 24, for WEEKS) and like I couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I was convinced that something terrible was going to happen. I felt like I was trapped inside a snow globe, everyone else was on the outside and I was stuck, looking out, disconnected. Intrusive thoughts startling me out of nowhere. I cried every day.

But despite this, I put on a smile where I could, met my babies every need, pushed through when I had nothing left in the tank to make sure he felt safe, knew I was there for him when everything felt scary and new. I carried on, I tried my very, very best.

Baby wasn't putting on weight as quickly as the midwives said he should and had lost his birth weight, despite that number being inflated by the extra fluid we were carrying, meaning intrusive home visits every other day (literally) from day 1, being hounded with phone calls and put under immense pressure from midwives and health visitors. My nerves were shot to pieces and my body SO run down that a simple pimple almost took me out, resulting in an aggressive infection and a week's stay in hospital on various antibiotics. I had truly reached the lowest of the low and I didn't know HOW I was going to get through.

 I’ll never forget sobbing in that hospital bed wondering what on earth I had done to deserve everything that had happened leading up to that point or how much more I could take. And through it all, I still pumped. Still tried my hardest.

This went on for around 4 months of the postpartum period, all while recovering from being sliced 7 layers deep and given nothing but a paracetamol for the trouble.

FEAR was the overriding emotion that clouded everything. It almost blocked all of my senses and took over that time that was meant for bonding and feeling that “euphoria” I was meant to feel? Doom, I felt doom instead, later discovering I was suffering with DMER (Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex) a physiological condition whereby during breastfeeding I experience sudden negative emotions, like an adverse reaction to breastfeeding. You couldn't make it up, the most natural thing in the world and my body was rejecting it...me feeding my baby was making me want to… well, making me depressed. Instead of a natural high, I felt an intense wave of dread, felt sick to my stomach and teeth-grinding irritability. Not towards the baby but if anyone spoke to me, I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin.

I finally admitted defeat after many stubborn attempts to continue breastfeeding and stopped. A switch flipped. Things started to get easier and I started to fall deeply in love with my baby. Not that I didn't love him before, I did, very much so, but being terrified was at the forefront when I looked at him. Everything felt mechanical rather than instinctual. I’d realise I’d stood, changed his nappy and gotten him dressed without speaking to him, without smiling at him, the whole time my brain felt like a TV playing 10 channels at once, feeling nothing much really other than impending doom. Now, that overwhelming feeling of love, pride and euphoria? I was finally feeling it and it grew and grew.

And the weirdest thing of all, I realised I could finally SMELL him, realising up until this point, I hadn't noticed that classic "baby smell". Now, I was breathing it in wishing I could bottle it up.

Finding my way back to me

The first few ventures out and about were wobbly. I was still battling with anxiety but nowhere near as drastic as before, I hadn't quite found my flow with getting us both out of the house smoothly and not being able to see him in his car seat made my heart race while driving, sometimes even pulling over to check he was still alive and well.

But things gradually became easier, I had gotten the “get out of the door” mission down and it started to become really enjoyable.

With each quick coffee, duck feeding session and walk on the beach my confidence grew. I even strapped him into the carrier and took him to Warhammer club a couple of times (I quickly learnt that this would not be a permanent feature but at least I can say I gave it a go)

I felt my spark returning and this is when I found my way back to content creation but in a whole new way.

I knew in my heart of hearts that my war gaming, mini painting days for now, were on the back burner but the big question remained, what was to become of my platforms. In the past if I ever steered away and posted anything other than painted miniatures, I lost followers and had even had nasty messages at times… Hell, I lost around 2000 for simply announcing my pregnancy… so I knew pivoting my content would have consequences but I had to go with my gut and what was best for my mental health

It All Started With The Norwich Food Festival

An annual event held at The Forum. I’d never been before but thought it may be something nice to do, get a few bits to eat and have a wander. It was a lovely sunny day, I’d had more than 3 hours sleep so the day was off to a good start. I thought I’d make a little video while I was there, featuring the food and produce we bought. I plucked up the courage to have Luke, my partner, film me eating (you don’t even need to tell me how stupid that sounds, I mean he has filmed worse… if you know you know) but being postpartum and feeling like a 'Flump', it was a big deal for me and actually, I looked quite pretty.

I got chatting to a couple of local business owners at their stalls and left feeling really content. I put my little reel together and posted it.

It of course got nowhere near the numbers of views my usual content would get but that didn't matter, I had enjoyed creating it and the brands I mentioned seemingly appreciated it too going by their shares, comments and follows. I was keen to find another event, another market, another fest to attend and that’s what I did.

Soon I was hunting down the best indie foodie finds, embarking on a quest for the best coffee spots, browsing the Norfolk Food Hall for quality local produce and visiting as many local markets as I could all with the baby (and usually my lovely mum) in tow. Not only was I enjoying these little adventures but the baby was getting to see so many different things, different people and it truly was a pleasure bringing him along.

I’ll never forget the first one, and how Luke and my eldest took the mick out of me when I said I couldn't go to our usual Warhammer club as I needed to be “up early for the farmers market” (however nerdy does that sentence sound…?) Now we all go together and they love it just as much as me.I began documenting these days in my same authentic, vloggy way and I took that leap into pivoting my content, sharing more of what I loved. Now, my camera goes everywhere with as I never know what I’m going to see, who I am going to meet or what hidden gems I am going to discover. The best part about these markets is discovering new independent businesses. I strive to check out every stall going and if you’ve got free samples out there is a VERY good chance I am buying!

Living my best farm girl life

I am always trying to strike up a conversation with the stall owners. I love hearing their stories, how long they’ve been in business, about their various products, their craft and future plans. It’s amazing what you can discover if you slow down, say hello and ask a few questions.

Supporting small businesses genuinely gives me the ‘warm and fuzzies’. I don’t mean in a patronising way like “aw, small business” but it just feels REALLY good knowing you’ve given your money (or simply just your time) to a real person you know? Someone who appreciates it, someone who puts their heart and soul into what they do.

Now I am on a mission to discover and highlight as many local indie businesses, makers and creators as I can. I have already been invited to some wonderful events and some amazing opportunities have come my way, with so much more to come.

I've had so many signs that I've made the right decision. Now I have the best of both worlds, I get to celebrate and share my nerdy side with all of my creative hobbies and interests AND my lifestyle, my channels becoming a guide for all things cosy, quirky and delicious.

Once a nerd, always a nerd

Now none of this means I will never paint a miniature or play Warhammer again but how I share that will definitely change. Turning my hobby into a job changed how I felt about it and kinda took the joy out of it in the end. I even tried keeping it more offline, but painting a miniature just didn't give me the same buzz. If I didn't post about it, the only time I really switched off was when actually PLAYING the game, which is the main part for me. That is something I would love to get back to, once the baby is a little older and I’m not so tired (he sleeps longer now but I can’t remember the last time I had a solid 8 hours sleep, you know, the amount a human needs nightly for optimal function)

Currently, I feel like I am relearning who I am and what I like. I think this has a lot to do with my late diagnosis of Autism as well as reaching a stage in life where I just don’t care what people think. I am learning to unmask and to be unapologetically me, which isn't easy when you’ve spent 30+ years thinking something was “wrong” with you and having no idea why you struggled with everything everyone else seems to find so easy.

Healing my inner-child

I’ve recently rediscovered things that used to bring me joy as far back as being a kid, such as Pokémon. I almost feel it’s healing my inner child right, buying packs of boosters for my new binder, switching off in the evening with Leaf Green, playing together with Luke and watching the old episodes with the kids. I’ve stopped trying to keep up with all the “big” video game releases, focusing more on slower, cosier games, even if it is starting over on Stardew Valley for the 26th time. I’m getting back into drawing and being creative and arty, I want to get lost in books and do all the things that used to make me happy before adult life took over as did mobile phones…

I want to paint miniatures because I want to, not to keep up with some old version of me online, after all, I’d been creating that type of content since 2018, people change, hobbies come and go and creating content around one single aspect of my life and all of the things that make me, me, well that just isn't cutting it anymore.

Now I share my wonderfully nerdy, arty, creative lifestyle as a whole, with an iced coffee in one hand and a sweet treat in the other while celebrating everything I love about my home county and the adventures I embark on.

A Whole New Chapter

I didn't find my way back to the old me, I found my way to a new me, a happier, more confident me, a more unapologetic and authentic me, who is finally pouring into herself and making time for her hobbies and interests.

That person who burned herself out at a desk, never putting her wants, needs and desires first, she no longer exists.

Instead, I’m discovering a completely new version of myself.

Changing direction both online and off has pushed me out of comfort zones, taught me new things and helped me in more ways than I ever expected.

These days I am refusing to “niche down” my brand is ME. I am refusing to add cheesy “hooks” or play silly games with an algorithm. As much as I enjoy creating my fast, snappy mini vlogs, there is so much more to say and share than can be held within a 20 second reel.

So here is to this slower, cosier escape, the retro vibes of heading to an actual website and reading the genuine words of another human, not some slop spat out by ChatGPT.

A place to share and nurture my ebbing and flowing hobbies and interests, a creative outlet and a place where what I create with my heart and soul isn't forgotten about once you scroll on.

With a camera in my hand, my family by my side, this is a celebration of a new chapter.

It's a space for honest yaps, local treasures, nerdy habits, and the beauty of slowing down.

And this time, I won't feel guilty on my "off" days.

Thank you for reading my story.

Whether you are a fellow parent in the trenches, a local looking for hidden gems, or an old friend from my hobby days, I am so incredibly glad you are here.

Chantel x

PR Coverage The Royal Norfolk Show 2026